Thursday, May 29, 2008

Walking in your shoes and your jackets and maybe a sweater or two

Dear Mama,
I just got back from visiting with you in a dream. I always feel as if I've been so close to you when we meet in dreams. The funny thing is that I don't even think you were actually in the dream. Just your stuff. Your stuff was in the dream. I was Gallatin at your house (only it wasn't exactly your house). Aunt Theresa was there with me. There was a huge RV in the driveway that belonged to me and Michael. I'm pretty sure he was in it. Your bathroom pretty much looked the same. Except one half of the cabinet was missing. When I peeked inside, there was a giant stack of blue tucks pads... I assumed they were from when you were sick. I have a stack of green ones in my bathroom from having a home birth. I opened up the bathroom closet. Your white sneakers sat there, all by themselves. I was in a hurry. I had to go to meet Geoffrey. We were meeting at the Discovery Center (which is actually in Murfreesboro) for a science experiment at noon. I was going to be late. But instead i walked into your bedroom which had suddenly grown. Everything was in the same place only more spread out. The ceilings had even become vaulted. I opened the closet. It was a walk-in. And it had a light. I started taking your clothes out, one by one. Placing them on the bed. The pink sweater that I got you for your last birthday was in there. I grabbed framed pictures off of your dresser and stacked them in my arms. I felt so close to you, just being in your house. I suppose that through dreams is the only way in which I'll ever be able to visit your house again. It breaks my heart. It's more than I can even imagine. It makes me feel so lonely. I'm so thankful for the power of the imagination... for it can allow me to go places that, in real life, I'll never go again.

I love you,

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